Thursday, September 1, 2011

For My Future Husband

You have travelled a long road to get here - a road possibly marked not so much by time but by process; a long road, nonetheless.  I am fully aware of who I am - my attributes and my flaws.  Being the intelligent man that you are, you have weighed both and decided I am worth it.  You have committed to me for the rest of our lives wholeheartedly with your eyes wide open.  I have hidden nothing from you, and am exactly as you see me - nothing more, nothing less.

You love God and desire to be the best, most complete man you can be.  You are strong.  You are confident.  You are smart.  You are self-aware and know exactly what you are signing up for (me.)  You are compassionate and patient.  You are not afraid to speak your mind.  You challenge me in the midst of my passionate tirades and speak Truth to me in love.  You are a leader.  You are honest with me even when it's hard.  You tell me I am wrong when I am wrong.  You make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.  You love me for where I am at.  You desire growth in me.  You desire to see me live out my dreams and my goals.  You listen to me and care about what I think and how I am feeling.  You ask me questions - both easy and hard.  You love people.  You love my family.  You love my girls (Emi, Laura and Jill.)  You are not afraid of emotion.  You are not afraid of me and all that I am - all that I bring to our relationship, good and bad.

Don't think for a second that I don't recognize all that you have had to endure to get here.  I know that I am not easy.  We fight hard and love hard.  I love this about us.  I love that we are honest with each other and talk about the hard things.  I love that we don't agree all the time.  I love that you love how excited I get about the little things.  When you touch me, I get chills.  When you smile at me, it warms my heart.  I don't doubt for a second that you will be an excellent father, and I love that you can't wait to see me be a mom.  I love that you are proud of me; proud to be with me.  I love that after all I have put you through, you never gave up on me; never walked out on me.

When we first started dating, I was skeptical and gun shy.  You were quietly confident and curious.  We didn't rush things.  We spent time getting to know each other.  Commitment was a big deal to both of us and we talked about this extensively before we took the plunge to being exclusive.  You were patient with me and the time it took for me to share my heart with you - more importantly, you understood why I was careful and encouraged me to guard my heart in a healthy way.  You were understanding of my past and cried with me about my fears and my hurts.  You were not daunted by the many men of my past and never held this against me.  You allow me the freedom to grow and to change.  You make me a priority and always make time for me.  I never wonder how you feel about me - you are very clear.  The things you say to me are specific to me and me alone; you do not talk this way or say these things to any other women but me.  I am the most important person in your life, but your identity does not lie in me but in God.  While you would be devastated to lose me, it would not be the end of your world; for your hope lies in Someone outside of me.

I love you endlessly and am so proud of you.  I will always support you and encourage you.  I will always be your biggest fan.  I promise to listen.  I promise to compromise.  I promise to acknowledge and correct poor behavior.  I promise to apologize when I hurt you or wrong you.  Thank you for being patient with me while you stood in your firm belief that I am the one for you and waited for me to know the same.  I know that I have been scared and afraid and slow to agree to this most important union, but need you to know that I am no longer holding onto these things.  I am choosing you, as you are choosing me.  It will be rocky and hard and it's important we know this.

Finally, my love, please know that I did not choose you lightly.  As I write this, I do not even know if I have/have not met you yet.  I prayed that you would not come into my life until I was ready, healthy and healed and this has been a very long process.  But - I would not change this for the world.  I had to endure very painful things to get here and acknowledge some very dark places hiding in my heart before I was ready for you.  You were worth the wait.  I am so excited to be your partner.  I wouldn't want to walk down this road with anyone but you.  You are the most amazing man I have ever met.  No one has understood me as you do.  We were made for each other and I will be thankful for you my whole life.  I love you.